Steampunk etiquette: you are what you wear?

As many of you may know, DragonCon just took place in Atlanta and all manner of reviews, photographs, and storytelling is popping up in nerdlike communities and forums all over the interwebs.

I came across a particular anecdote in one of the steampunk forums that for once made me do more than look wistfully at the photos, sigh, and wish I could have been there. The lady who posted this particular story had gone into a convention room and, finding that there were no more chairs available, became offended that none of the men in the room offered her his chair to sit in and bemoaned the lack of decent Victorian manners in the steampunk community.

Honestly, I was a bit surprised. The poster seemed to think that because we dress in Victorian style, we should behave with the accompanying Victorian mannerisms. This, I think, is pure nonsense, for the following reasons.

First of all, steampunk is obviously not Victorian reenacting. Hell, one of the common questions raised by steampunk newbies is "do I have to wear historically accurate clothing?", and the answer is invariably "what? of course not!" This is why we can have things like sexy airship pirates and mad scientists with time machines. These are some of the most iconic images of the style! Who will demand adherence to Victorian behaviour when the style itself doesn't demand adherence to historically accurate clothing? Or would one only expect such manners of people dressed as normal, proper Victorians, as opposed to crazy characters? Does that mean one needs to expect the sexy airship pirates to rob you blind, and then get offended when they don't behave according to their appearance?

Second, one cannot expect everyone to hold the same ideals, opinions, or standards, even within the same subculture. Where one person likes to dress up in a bustle and top hat on Halloween and for theme parties, another may wear an underclothes corset and have high tea on a daily basis, and yet another might just dress in long skirts and puffy blouses while living an otherwise completely 21st-century lifestyle. Just because one feels a particular way doesn't mean everyone else will -- or that they even have to, which I think is something everyone should take into consideration more often. The notion that men need to open doors for, walk on the road side of, and generally treat women like they're about to break has been discarded today by men and women alike -- it happens. Times change. And just because some of us like to dress up from another era doesn't mean we're not still living in the present day.

Thirdly, I think there is something of a shade of hypocrisy over someone who dresses anachronistically yet expects period manners of others. Steampunks mix Victorian styles with influences from many other eras, hence there exists steampulp, gaslight, clockpunk, etc. If one wants to hold steampunks to offering chairs to women, why not other mannerisms? Shall we insist that women must wear their corsets under their blouses (no self-respecting woman would have her undergarments displayed so inappropriately!) and grubby mechanics are not allowed to dine with characters of nobility? Of course not! But is it unreasonable of one to demand observance of particular customs while ignoring others, especially if one is insisting on holding to strict Victorian etiquette.

Also, the attitude that the poster took towards this subject quite put me off on its own. She said that because she was wearing a corset, long skirt, and heels, she should have been given special treatment because she was dressed in cumbersome clothing. In my opinion, if one's outfit for a convention (an event where one expects to stand in long lines, cram into panel rooms, sit on the floor, and be on one's feet for extended periods of time) is uncomfortable enough to the point where one feels like one should be entitled to displacing another person of their seat, one is wearing a poorly designed or planned outfit. Furthermore, despite the apparent seriousness of her plight, the poster declined to ask someone to volunteer their seat. Did she expect someone to read her mind? It was important enough to complain about on a forum, but not enough to quietly ask to borrow someone's chair?

To quote the poster, "if you want me to wear a corset, heels and a skirt again in the future, this sort of thing has got to change." The thing she ignored, however, is that no one has demanded that she dress in such a manner. She chose her own outfit, wore it of her own free will, and then became upset when no one catered to her when she decided she was uncomfortable. I also found it terribly amusing that the poster declared unless things change, she will start bringing her own chair to events where she would be similarly dressed. I don't know if this was jokingly suggested to close her post or not, but if the latter, I wonder if she would insist upon a male companion carrying said chair around for her because it isn't seemly for Victorian women to tote around anything heavier than a coin purse?

Finally, when it comes down to the line, honestly people, it's just clothing. Whether steampunk, Hollister-style prep, Lolita, scene, or any other style or subculture, the clothes one wears are no indication of the behaviour within, just like having a particular disposition does not automatically come with a dress code.

And to close, I feel like I should say that I am all for being considerate of others and not intentionally causing unnecessary trouble for people. But in this day and age when not everyone has the same set of appropriate social behaviours, and society itself does not hold everyone to the same obligations that it has in the past (and these obligations are even different across the nation), the best defense against feeling socially snubbed is to take care of yourself and not expect people to treat you as though they need to be looking out for you. They're not. They're taking care of themselves. And if that means you feel like you have to carry around your own chair for when your feet start to ache, so be it -- just don't come complaining to the internet when your chair-carrying arm gets tired. Or you could, y'know, not wear the uncomfortable shoes on convention day.