Eavesdropped with my Pumpkin Spice latte YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH.

Lady, to friend: I was talking to her and I noticed she had a book in her bag, so I pointed and asked if it was interesting. And y'know most people would say 'oh, it's not bad' or 'oh, i'm not too far into it yet' -- but she told me 'oh, I wouldn't read it if it wasn't.' What do you do with that?

...

What DO you do with that?

...world hunger?

Middle-aged woman: That's my solution to world hunger and teen pregnancy -- duct tape.

Eavesdropped in the library. The elderly may have been involved.

Man: Did you ever drink abstinence? Abstinence? Is that what it's called?

Eavesdropped in a bar, naturally.

Guy 1: Of course, I wear underwear.
Guy 2: I don't.

An eavesdrop so amazing I nearly snorted my frappuccino out of my nose.

Older gentleman, to the girl at the coffee counter: All our kids, we decided we wanted them in the morning and were pregnant by that night. Well, maybe not the first one... the diaphragm was in the top drawer and we were in a hurry... but the next two, yes, we planned them.

I... what... no words. Just lulz.



ETA: Also, this is Rice Surprise Party's 100th post! *confetti*

Eavesdropped on a fuh-reez-ing cold bus.

Girl, to friend: I think I'm going to break up with Chris. He's such a weirdo! He drinks! He smokes! He does pot! And... and... he's from New Zealand!

Oh yeah, New Zealand. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Eavesdropped outside in the COLD.

Girl on cellphone: But (pause)... but (pause)... but (pause)... but (long pause)... but (pause)... but (longer pause)... but (pause)...

(Yeah, I counted. Seven. What could the person on the other side possibly have been saying?)

Eavesdropping while working on my final papers adfkghadflghjs;dlj.

Girl in library, to friend: You might as well just put Band-aids on your nipples and go out!

My apologies for my lengthy absence from the blog-o-sphere. It's the end of the semester and my term papers have gotten rather demanding. I can't say when I'll be back to writing regular entries... soon I hope!

Eavesdropped when a couple of sorority Pomeranians moved in on my tiny corner of the sushi place.

Girl 1: I totally know what I want for Christmas. A pair of shiny black skank heels!
Girl 2: Oh, ask your parents for those.

Amazingly, the previous Eavesdrop may have just now been outdone.

Girl, talking to hipster friend: I don't care if they're lesbians, I just really hate their music!


Today is going to be awesome.

It's not even noon yet, and today's best Eavesdrop has been heard.

Or seen, rather.

Apparently, it's Guy Faux Day.




I hope I don't make a social Fawkes-pas. That would be embarrassing.

Eavesdropping on girls who may or may not be drunk.

Girl 1: You're cute! You're sexy! But she's intelligent!
Girl 2: You're gorgeous!
Girl 1: I know! You're so fun!
Girl 2: I know, right? You're a bitch!
Girl 1: No, she's a bitch!

(I couldn't work out whether this was a fight or not. Nearly drunk girls reading my blog, help?)

Eavesdropping times two!

Girl: But it's so *easy* to make porno!
Guy: It is, you know, it really is.

and

Guy, to friend: What is not being a woman called?

Eavesdropping from behind my Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino.

Girl, to friend: You even have the same hair! I mean, his is fake and all. But it's still long and black and shiny!

Eavesdropping in upper-middle-class family-friendly chain restaurants.

Two-year-old boy, being led to a table by his grandma: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

(I don't make this stuff up. I just report on it.)

Eavesdropping in the union food court.

College guy, to the girl he's sitting with: You know, eventually I'm going to have to break it off with my vagina, man.

(Then I guess the girl shushed him, because he commented on how it was okay, no one was paying attention. Except for me.)

Eavesdropping in sushi joints.

Executive-looking twentysomething to friend: She's like four days past her due date. Actually, I probably shouldn't be here right now.

Eavesdropping at small-town fairs.

Middle-aged bicyclist woman: Yeah, all that testosterone I'm not supposed to have? I have it.

Eavesdropping in state parks.

Woman at the next campsite, to her nephew the birthday boy: When you turn five, yeah, you get more big-boy patience!

(This must be the first time she's met a five-year-old.)